I did it. I broke the curse, and I finally went to the gym. Starting small- 25 minutes on the arc trainer and different weight training exercises, but ya gotta start somewhere.
Eating could have gone better, but I’m still proud.
I slipped up with special k and fro yo at the dining hall. And a little bit of chocolate from a friend’s advent package.
One day at a time.
I feel good, not to mention that I bought new exercise pants today (cyber monday!).
I hate buying clothes, maybe because I don’t want to invest in my body. But I figure, this way, I’m investing in change. I hate working out in uncomfortable clothes. And I hate feeling unattractive. Time to get some cute on. Will blog tomorrow.
I drove back to school today. Even though I’m exhausted completely, I made up a plan for the next few days. Ready to get working again.
More updates soon.
Here I am. Sitting on the couch in my living room, thinking about my life.
Thinking about the person I want to be: strong, independent, and fearless. Yet everyday I wake up, I have one looming thought- Today is the day I’m going to change.
I keep waiting for a sign or motive, but I can’t wait for my life to begin. It’s here and now.
Senior year of high school, I pledged to lose 50lbs. I didn’t make it all the way there, I got stuck at 170, only 20lbs in. I went to college, and gained 30 back, now uncomfortably loafing at 200.
Now I’m a sophomore, and I’m ready for change.
I miss running, without the pressure I always put on myself now. I miss tapping, being able to lift my body with ease and grace. And I miss wearing a confident smiling, proud to show off my body, not using clothes to hide.
I want this time to be different- for me to actually take action. But I’ve built myself up to this fear of failure, provoking me to give up before I really try.
Here it goes. I’m not laying out rules or a plan. I’m laying out some concrete goals.
GOALS: WEEK 1
1. Post on this blog each night.
-What I ate
-What I did
-How I feel
2. Break the barriers
-Go to the gym once
-Go for a walk at least once
-Go for a walk/run at least once
-Tap for at least 30 minutes
3. Love yo self (spend some good alone time)
-Read at least 10 pages of recreational book
-Look at yourself in the mirror everyday
-Don’t pull out the scale until the end of the week
Don’t forget. Stay in the game.
Sometimes you need a fresh start.
For too long I’ve been frustrated with myself. Frustrated with my weight. Frustrated with my reflection in the mirror and the number on the scale. The way I sink in to the couch and seemingly remain there all day. The stack of books “I’ve been meaning to read” growing taller. My disappointment growing stronger.
So, here it is. I deleted the past, and changed my blog identity. Now, it’s about living. And thus titled “The Living Project”.
It’s not just about finding my goal weight, it’s about finding me.
